and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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