You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
