i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
