I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
