That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
