why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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