After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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