it was like having sex with a tree stump
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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