You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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