Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
