i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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