That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
