and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
