I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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