she kept yelling 'call me bella'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
