just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
