so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize