it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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