Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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