His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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