you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
