I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
