apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
