Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
