I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
