none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
