the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize