The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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