so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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