remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
