i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
