I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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