What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
