Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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