When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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