he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
