The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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