My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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