I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.