I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.