we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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