There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?