there was a trapeze. enough said
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
