who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
