dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Are we still banned from the library?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
