So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
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I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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