then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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