Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
