he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize