I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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