R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
