dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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