Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
