We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
