Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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