so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
