i barfeds in our rink
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
