I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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