I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
