Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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