there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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