Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
