I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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