dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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