I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
