please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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