Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize